Things I’ve learned so far in Mexico

I have not been here a week, and yet, I’ve had to figure some things out- not that any of it is bad or hard- I mean, I’m on an island. It’s all pretty easy around here. But the way of life is different, and it’s an adjustment, even in all it’s fabulousity.

Learn how to ask for the bus station. No matter what other Spanish you learn, learn this! Otherwise, the bus driver will drop you off on a random corner with all 6 pieces of your luggage, and your friends will not be there waiting for you. They will be at the bus station. And you will incur a $400 phone bill from AT&T because your roaming will be on. Because you have to find your friends. And they are at the bus station.

Milk isn’t cold. You can search the whole grocery store, but you won’t find it in the refrigerators. You will find it in the dead center of the store, in a cardboard carton. And you will be terrified to drink it because it’s NOT COLD.

You cannot do pull-ups on the door frames to strengthen your climbing fingers. I don’t want to say the houses here are “flimsy”, so let’s just say they are built “differently”. I would advise against trying this…

Two streets within close proximity have the same name. We live on 5th, so I thought. Actually, we live on the “fake 5th”. When referring to street names, you have to clarify if it’s the “real” street or the “fake” one.

You can’t put toilet paper int he toilet. This is the most unnatural thing. You have to throw it in the trashcan after each use. To avoid embarrassment, you should put your poo toilet paper in a separate plastic grocery bag and THEN throw it in the trash. Also, empty the trash every day. Or it will stink. Weird right?

You can drive down the road with your doors open. And locals will laugh at you when you dive into the back seat to close the door of a moving vehicle.

Everyone here has a moped, and everyone here has 4 kids. I saw a woman with a 2 year old holding on to her back for dear life, a kid on each knee, and she was breast-feeding the baby. While she was driving down the street. I was told not to worry- they had helmets.

Oh here’s a good one. When someone asks you if you want to “sleep together” what they mean is “do you need a roommate?” Don’t panic like I did, or it will make for a very awkward conversation.

Water is labeled “hot” and “cold” in the shower. When there’s no hot water, and you have to convince your kids to take showers with “cold water straight from the ocean!” and they’re both crying, let me save you the email to your property manager. They just labeled the sides of the water faucet wrong. There’s plenty of hot water for everyone.

If you tell someone that you want to learn Spanish, they will not speak to you in English. It’s frustrating, but you quickly learn how to take out your frustration by cursing in Spanish. Maldita sea. I say that one a lot. See? Learning already.

Everyone knows everyone on the island. When you’re the new person, you get bombarded with friend requests on Facebook because everyone wants to know you or work for you. This is all really awesome because I want to know everyone too, and I need sitters for the kids! And that’s all- it’s pretty cool.

The number one question I get besides “what is your name?” is “where is your husband?” I decided to start telling them that he is “away at sea, and hes brawny with a sore temper”. This keeps the crazies away.

Mexicans don’t have vultures. They have Mexican Eagles. Same thing, nicer name.

When you go to the grocery store, take re-usable bags and something to haul them home in. I had to buy VERY expensive beach bags while there, and walked home with all of them on my shoulder. With a crying 2 year old and a whiny 5 year old. And a mop and a broom.

Oh, you have to sweep and mop every day!

Ants live inside your house and it’s normal. It’s also impossible to get rid of them. I just sweep them up 3 times a day and stick them back outside.

You have to figure out how to get the cross-breeze in your house to avoid a high electricity bill. For me, its 2 doors and a specific window- haven’t had to run the downstairs AC since I figured it out.

Neighbors are your best friends! People randomly show up at my gate and yell “Hola, amiga!” They just show up to chat or bring me things, like toys for the kids or fresh fruit. Back home, I had neighbors show up to take internet and food. It’s a nice change.

The local guys call me a mermaid. I don’t correct them.

It rains at the weirdest times, and it’s never on the weather forecast.

No one here can get over the fact that I have blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids. It’s almost like they want to talk to me just to figure out how I did that. I’m a mermaid, that’s how. I can do anything.

People here are not vain. Whereas in the states, we have entire stores dedicated to beauty products, here, there is a very small back corner of makeup and nail polish. And no, they don’t have my colors. I have dark purple painted toes now. Yeesh.

There is no reason to straighten hair. Or even brush it. Wind and salt water ruin it. Actually, humidity ruins it before you ever walk out the door.

You can’t leave crackers out, or they get really moist.

Store-bought tortilla chips are AWFUL! Isn’t that ironic?!

You will always have one mosquito in your house. And you will hate him.

Everyone is on Mexico time, so when someone says, “I’ll be right over”, what they mean is, “I’m going to take a nap, go to the store, and to the taco stand, and I’ll be there in a few hours. Possibly tomorrow.” Oh and good luck getting the kids to bed on time. They don’t do that here.

I am the only vegetarian n the island. When I go to a taco place and ask for a veggie taco, they say “no”. My friend here says, “Tacos have meat. No meat? No taco.” We went to a place the other night, and he had to talk these people into making me tacos with bell peppers, onions and mushrooms. They weren’t going to do it! He had to beg them in Spanish. Something about a crazy white girl, and just give her vegetables. I’m just kidding. He doesn’t say I’m crazy. He says I’m “a complicated lady”. NO! I just want VEGGIE TACOS AND PUNCTUALITY!!!!!

This place is awesome, and I’m having a great time. I have lots of stories to tell! I’ll save them for later. I have beer to drink. 😉