Sunshine and roses?

No… It isn’t all sunshine and roses. I paint a picture of things being fun and happy and perfect sometimes, so when I talk to someone close to me about personal things, they are confused. “I thought everything was going so well!” they say.

Well, yes, it is! But….

People don’t know about all the conflict, tears, hard decisions and pain that still come with every day. There is a constant struggle to overlook the bad and focus on the good. It would be SO easy to let the bad take over and ruin all the good, but I want better for the kids and me than that.

Though it’s only Wednesday, I have had two pretty major things happen that could have really discouraged me. One occurred in my business; it was what I would consider a significant setback, and I allowed myself about 5 minutes to sort of “grieve” over it. Then I spent a lot of time figuring out how I (and the business) would recover from it.  After awhile, I figured out a good way to counteract that setback, which will end up being much better financially, and the business will definitely benefit from it. It would have been much easier to sulk about this situation and call it a day. I could have posted on Facebook about how upset or discouraged I was. I could have called a couple of people and ranted about it. Instead, I found a way to fix it. Then I probably posted on Facebook about how great my business was doing.

The other thing that happened this week was on a personal level. The conflict was so hard for me to process, all I could really do was cry. A lot. And for a long time. I always try to do what is best for Iris and Legend, but sometimes, what’s best is fuzzy. I could make a decision one way or the other, but I don’t like making decisions out of anger- or any kind of intense emotion. So while a situation is deeply personal and emotions are involved, it’s sometimes hard to separate my feelings from the logic of it so that I can make the right decision. (This is when it’s good to have a reasonable man around.) As hard as the decision ended up being, I THINK it was the best one for the kids. I think. I hope…

I’m tearing up even as I write this. Iris and Legend are my world. I want to give them everything that I think is important, and sometimes I feel like I am not capable of it because I’m only one person. But I hope, I mean, I really, really hope that one day, they understand how much I love them and that no matter how hard a decision is or was, it’s for them…

…And now I think I just want to hold them for the rest of the day…

Rainbow nails

First off, Im HAPPY to report that my legs still do NOT itch.  I think my homemade exfoliant worked!!! And it only took me 10 years to figure it out. awesome.

Tonight, I found Cute Polish on YouTube, and I looove it! She has tons of cute ideas. Iris wanted to try the rainbows, and it took about 45 minutes, but we got it done. This will probably look better on anyone over the age of 3, who can sit still for a while but we did the best we could. Here are our white clouds with a purple, blue and pink rainbow. She is pretty happy about it. Messy little thing…

The pics arent great either. But Im tired. And I still have 5 million things to do tonight. I just wanted to go ahead and post this so that when people saw her nails they didnt wonder what the heck it was supposed to be.

You all now know they are rainbows. Rainbows.

Sisters

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows a few things about me.

I am the oldest of 7 kids.

We were all seperated from each other at a young age.

3 of us were adopted out.

The others were spread out all over the state.

As each one of us turns of age, we find each other and start to piece together the things that didnt make sense growing up.

This is very hard for me because there are a lot of things about my past/childhood that I have blocked out just so that I can cope as a normal functioning human being.

As each sibling comes back around, they have their own painful story to tell. Unfortunately, the 2 siblings I was always closest to had the worst stories. I got out of the home before they did, so I didnt know a lot that was going on until my brother came of age, and now my sister.

I have to say that I admire the courage and bravery each one of my siblings. Their ability to bounce back from the abuse and torturous things they had to endure is incredible. I always thought I had the worst of what my parents dished out, and I was far from correct.

Last weekend I found my sister- the one I was closest to growing up- and I have been an emotional wreck since. I remember trying so many times to reach out to her and my brother, who were left behind when I left home, but of course, it was impossible… for many reasons…

Its hard to sort out how Im feeling right now. Im happy that I found her, looking forward to rebuilding a relationship with her, scared to even think about the things we have all blocked out, upset I couldnt do more for her and my brother years ago, and ANGRY.

Very VERY angry. How anyone can be so cruel and hateful is almost unforgiveable. How anyone can get away with being so cruel and hateful is beyond me. And how anyone can mask their cruelty and hatefulness in the name of “God” is so disgusting that my stomach is sick, and I cant sleep. I can barely even eat right now.

I spoke to my mom (who I wasnt raised with past the age of 7) and she cried with me. More and more over the last few months I have wished that she lived closer so we could talk about these things in person. She aches for us.

I spoke to my brother after I found our sister, and it took him some time to process things before he even called her.

Each time I reunite with a sibling, it is hard. This time has been particularly diffficult, and I just wish everything was ok. I wish I could go back and undo everything that happened. I wish I could have taken the 3 of us away and given us a better life. I wish I didnt have a box full of journals upstairs full of tearstained pages from my youth. I wish our parents never had the opportunity to systematically destroy every aspect of our lives, causing us to start from nothing when we were face to face with a cruel world all alone.

I have no idea how on earth my sister turned out as amazing as she did. She has a good head on her shoulders. She is a hard worker, putting herself through college, being successful in everything she attempts, and somehow, able to love people dispite not being shown any love growing up. I cry when I think of the delicate heart she has and how she is determined to shine dispite her hard life. And Im thankful to God for giving us the chance to reunite and have a new relationship.

We are here to protect each other for the rest of our lives now, and no one can take that away.

Scarborough Faire and a Bakesale!

Saturday morning, Brandi and I had our bake sale at Sams Club for March of Dimes. We did pretty good, and the weather was FABULOUS!

The march is in just a couple of weeks and it should be really interesting because Ill be 34 weeks pregnant. Ill be really surprised if my shirt even still fits!

Sunday, we met up with Ashley in Waxahachie for Scarbourough Faire! Neither she or Nathan have ever been, and its one of my favorite places to go, and of course they loved it! Ill admit I was SUPER jealous that they had a margarita while I had to stick with a lemon chill… BUT! I got to lick the salt off of Nathans cup. haha! Take what you can get, right?!

Here is Nathan and Iris watching the parade.

And here they are at the petting zoo.

And Iris decided to take a little rest on the turtle- he didnt mind.

And my hunny throwing knives.

We had a great weekend! This week, Im getting ready for Iris’ BIG 2ND BIRTHDAY!!!!

Ill also be finishing up the baby’s room pretty soon, so Ill post pics.

A week on our own

Nathan went out of town Sunday for a week-long training on some security system for work, so its just been Iris and I this week! But we have stayed busy, hopped around town and taken advantage of free and inexpensive little treats all over Austin.

Monday was pretty much my shopping/laundry day, but I DID go to Target to get some shelves for the baby’s room. I got 2 packs of 2/$6 shelves. Now, the room isnt finished, so you only get a small sneak preview…

Tuesday, Brandi and I went to Michaels to get a tie dye kit so we could make our March of Dimes team shirts. For most of the afternoon, I worked on the baby’s room, put our new fish in their new homes, and got decorations for Iris’ birthday party at the Dollar Store. Oh how I love that place…

That evening, Brandi’s hubby had dinner plans, so we decided to have our own dinner! We made spaghetti (wtih veggies in the sauce!), took the kids to the park, and played with them outside. It was such a nice evening.

Wednesday morning, I took Iris to a place called Acrotex, where they have open gym time for kids who arent registered for weekly classes. We havent been in awhile, but Iris had a blast tumbling, rolling and climbing on everything.

That afternoon, we had a tie dye party! Kristen, Brandi and Laura came over and we all attempted to make our team shirts- Hippies for Healthy Babies! WOOT! None of us besides Kristen had ever done tie dye, so it was more of an experiment than anything. But they turned out awesome!

Mine

Brandi’s

Brandi’s Hubby’s

We ran out of dye, so we still have to finish our kids’ and Nathan’s.

Today is tax day, so lots of companies offered freebies! I took my reusable mug to Starbucks (TWICE!) and got some amazingly tasty free decaf coffee! I also took all of our extra supplies back to the Keep Austin Beautiful office, where they gave me free tshirts for Iris, Ava and Chloe- for all their help in cleaning up our park! The shirts we had for them originally were HUGE. After Iris and I had a nice long nap, we went to Ihop for Kids Eat Free in April! Yupp! We had ourselves a little brinner (breakfast for dinner) date.

We found canvases 2/$6 at Michaels this week, and I have never painted on canvas before, so I really wanted to try it! Brandi came over this evening with a bunch of acrylic paints (thanks Patsy!) and we tried our hand at painting! Here is what I came up with!

Tomorrow is our last day with Nathan out of town, so I plan on staying home and getting everything cleaned and washed. Of course, we may find something fun to sneak out and do, so maybe I should start my cleaning a little early!

Keeping Austin Beautiful

A couple weeks ago, I found a fabulous organization called Keep Austin Beautiful . I immeidately signed up to clean one of my favorite parks in the area, and because no one else had volunteered to clean that area, I started my own team- Hippies for a Healthy City! Unfortunately, there weren’t as many volunteers as I had hoped for, but my Brandi and her sweet family showed up, threw their shirts on, and picked up trash with me!

And even with my big belly, I managed to bend over a couple hundred times to pick up candy wrappers and cigarette butts. EWW! Here I am with a water bottle! Don’t worry; it was mine and I didn’t throw it away. RECYCLE!!!  :)

We all had a great time! Celebrate the earth this month, and take care of your community! You’ll feel great and your kids will learn a valuable lesson!

Baby baby baby

Forgive my lack of updates. I have been busy, overwhelmed and emotional. We will just blame the pregnancy for those last two…

I finally finished my garden in the backyard. It doesnt have a ton of flowers, but it has windmills, garden stones and SOME flowers. Its cute, and iris adores it.

Brandi and Laura helped me paint the baby’s room last week. Its just a neutral brown, so I dont have to paint it when we move, but I plan on doing a lot of stencil work in there.

Nathan and I set up the baby’s crib, and THAT was a chore. It was given to us, so it had no instructions, and I have ZERO patience for ANYTHING these days. Really. Just ask Nathan… Anyway, its up, and it looks good! (no pics til I finish setting the room up!)

My baby shower was last weekend, and let me tell you. The girls did an AMAZING job with it!!! The theme was owls, to match the room, and everything was just perfect.

I have absoltely THE most amazing friends in the world… really. They make me tear up just thinking about how great they are to me.

I had a midwife appointment this week, and everything is great! She said the baby is already head down, and his heart is good and strong! Makes me smile…

I have the bassinet set up in my room, and now the little vibrator/mobile just needs some batteries. And BOY, do I have a lot of new little clothes to wash! Thats my favorite part.

Iris is handling the changes around the house very well. She and I started her little learning/preschool books. They are really pre-pre-school books, actually, but she LOVES them! I also bought her a little baby doll she carries around in her Easter basket. Ha! Other times, she carries her on her shoulder. I love it.

Speaking of Easter, ours was lovely. We went to a church nearby for the helicopter candy drop! Then we had family and friends over for a BBQ, and went to see Dave and Laura’s Easter play at their church.

I’ve been sleeping a LOT lately. Now its only 9 pm, and Im headed to bed. Just wanted to give you all a little update. Have a fabulous rest of the week!

oooooh a contest! and other fun stuff

One of my FAVORITE BLOG writers, Disney, is hosting a contest over at Ruffles and Stuff. I, for one, amd beyond excited. I think I will scour over craft stores, magazines and books looking or inspiration because im gonna WIN!!! (hopeful thinking)

In other news, my dearest friends and I are working on little Royal’s baby shower. The theme is owls. I thought it would be darling because Iris’ room is mostly birds and flowers, so they kind of match. And anything left over from the shower can be used as decorations in his room! Besides that, I have always LOVED owls and I am currently obsessed with them.

Also, I am sooooo glad this weekend is over! Iris threw up for the first time EVER, and I couldnt get her to stop for about 7 hours. I was really scared and cried a lot… But Nathan stayed pretty calm through the whole thing. She never had a fever, either, which was pretty weird. Anyway, it was a long night, but she started drinking and eating again yesterday, thank God, and today she is back to her amazing, perfect self.

Tomorrow, I am having a little Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss party inspired by one of my favorite blogs, Serving Pink Lemonade. I found some other websites that have great ideas, such as this one. It will be Dr. Seuss’ 106th birthday tomorrow, so do something fun to celebrate such a great children’s artist!

Bad dreams to sweet dreams

I have suffered from awful nightmares most of my life, and unfortunately, I guess I passed that on to my daughter… She has woken up in the night several times recently crying, yelling for help and then sobbing before falling back to sleep. I usually just listen to her for a few minutes to see if she’s ok, because most of the time, she can put herself back to sleep just fine. But every once in awhile, I’ll have to pick her up and rock her back to sleep.

I dry her little eyes, pat her little head, give her kisses and pray for sweet dreams.

Tonight was one of the worst.

I was downstairs about an hour after I put her down and heard her SCREAMING for help. When I got to her room, she was yelling NO! NO! NO! with her eyes closed. I calmed her down and put her back to sleep in just a couple of minutes, but it breaks. my. heart.

So I have decided to add a new step to our bedtime routine. I am on the search for really colorful, happy books, pictures and even posters or wall hangings. I want to be able to make them, too, so if you have a blog with any of these things, feel free to post it in my comments.

Anyway, we will spend time reading/looking at happy books/things before bed to keep her little mind in a happy place.

Sweet prayers from Mommy will help too.

I found some storybook dice to make, so that is on my new list. Any other ideas for calming a toddlers mind before bed??

New Addition

Nathan and I were thrilled last month when we found out we got the house we love. Not even 2 weeks later, we got an even bigger blessing- two pink lines on a stick.

Today I am 6 weeks along, and we couldn’t be more excited! Once I told Nathan the wonderful news, and it sunk in a little, he said, “I think I fell in love with you all over again.”

*sigh* I think I did too!

I tell Iris there is a baby in my belly and she keeps trying to get in my shirt. Cute little big sister!