Foster home study

Yesterday was our home study with our foster agency. It took almost 4 hours- I mean the questions just went on… and on… and on… Fortunately, we knew the ladies who came and we’ve spent a lot of time with one of them in particular, so as intense (and it was intense!) a the interview was, we were all still able to joke and laugh a little bit.

We found out that because we only have 1 room, the state requires that only children under the age of 6 can share a room with a child of the opposite sex. Which means we either have to get 2 boys or 2 girls. Even if we get one of each, after one of them turns 6, they cant stay there anymore, and no one is going to kick a 6 year old out of here! Im kind of hoping for 2 boys.

They asked a LOT of questions about mine and Nathan’s history together- when we met, and the ridiculously long and confusing story that goes with it. That took awhile. Haha! I was sck to my stomach to think about all the questions they were going to ask about my home life growing up, but THANKFULLY, they didnt ask much. We had to write a 3 page autobiography-type paper a few weeks ago where most of that junk was covered, so I guess they felt like we didnt need to delve further. I was incredibly relieved.

The kids both behaved well and played well with each other during our interview. Iris showed her room off and took all of her favorite toys out too. They asked her a couple of questons, but nothing intense. Iris is excited to have new kids around. Sometimes she calls them her “new friends” and sometimes its her “new brothers and sisters”. She takes her toys to their room and places them on their beds. Its pretty sweet, and the case workers got to see that.

Now that the home study is over, we just wait for them to type it all up, and we should be ready for placement in about 3 weeks. In the meatime, we will just enjoy the calm before the storm. THE STORM OF A BUNCH OF KIDDOS!!!!

Foster update for April

Some of you have been asking where we are at in our foster parenting process. Well, 2 weeks ago, we turned in another huge stack of paperwork, and it was enough that we were able to schedule our home study, which is going to be on May 4. This is when the case workers come in to interview Nathan, Iris and I seperately and then all together. No telling what kind of things Iris will come up with to tell them. With all of her little catch phrases. That should be interesting.

Anyway, it is about a 3-4 hour interview, but once that is over with, they document our meeting and then we are ready for kids! I was really hoping we would have them by Iris’ birthday so they could be a part of the party and meet family who are coming to town. But we just couldnt do our home study any sooner. And maybe it will be better for them to come into our home at a calm time rather than right before a big party. (And I do mean BIG PARTY!!)

Last week we got our FBI fingerprints and this weekend, we get our TB shots.

There are a few minor things I want to get done around the house before we get our new little additions, so maybe its good I still have time. Like, clearing off the bottom shelf of the pantry and replacing it with kid-friendly snacks. (Being able to eat whenever they want is going to be a pretty big deal for awhile… so I hear…) And I have the best idea ever for decorating a blank wall in their bedroom, thanks to Martha Stewart. Pretty much everything else is organized and ready for a big new family! …except maybe a Costco membership!!!

Simple kids’ Peanuts bathroom

I had 3 thngs in mind when trying to put together a bathroom for the kids:
1. It had to be simple, free of extra things that would get broken or need to be cleaned.
2. It had to be designed in a way that would be applealing to boys and girls at any age, since it would be shared by my kids and foster kids.
3. It had to be extremely inexpensive.

Mission accomplished.

I chose red, black and white because those colors are usually associated with simple designs. Plus, boys and girls at any age can enjoy those colors. They are pretty gender neutral. You remember this.

I used my own artwork on one wall. The other blank wall will have 2 towel racks, but I havent hung it yet, and I was just so excited to show this!

When I found this Carlie Brown” shower curtain, Iris was beyond excited, with her Charlie Brown obsession and all… But I think I was actually more excited than she was. Its like I had been waiting for the perfect shower curtain and alll of a sudden, without looking, I FOUND IT! Its so perfect. So perfect.

  

Oh, that Snoopy, hes such a riot…

This bathroom is teeny tiny, itty bitty. So fortunately, there wasnt a lot of extra space to fill. All of the kids’ bath soaps and toys are in a caddy, nicely hidden by the Most Perfect Shower Curtain Ever; and all of their other necessities fit nicely under the sink. The entire thing cost about $35, which made my husband happy, and its going to be easy to keep clean, which makes me happy!

The bunk bed!

One of the biggest purchases we needed to make for our foster kids was their bunk beds. We have searched every discount furniture place in our area, Craigslist, thrift stores, Ikea, everywhere! And we finally found a killer deal- black bunk beds with UPGRADED mattresses for $305!!! We thought that putting it together would be the biggest challenge, but no, it was trying to get it home! The box was ginormous and we have a Durango. Fortunately, as unsafe as it was, we got it all home, and Nathan had them put together in an hour.

These were taken with my phone so they arent great. I put the new sheets and mattresses on the bed, and as soon as Im done putting the other things together for them, Ill post more pics. This is more of a sneak preview.

Almost foster parents!

This week has been super busy getting everything done so we can move on to our home study through our foster agency. Here is what Ive done this week and end of last week.

Fire Inspection

Fire extinguiser inspection

Medical Consent training

Pet shots

Health inspection (being done tomorrow)

Meaurements of all the rooms in the house

Pics of outside the outside of our house

Drawing/graph of inside of house

Transportation training class (well, I’ll finish it tonight)

 

We have RSVPed for the administering-medications class on April 2

We have RSVPed for CPR/First Aide training April 16

We are getting TB tests Saturday and being re-checked Monday.

Before that, I had to turn in our marriage license, references, proof of auto insurance, copies of both of our driving histories, and all the paperwork from our 6 week classes.

Yesterday, I started cleaning out their room and taking AAAALLLLL my craft supplies to another room. The upstairs is a mess, but the foster kids’ room is CLEAN! Nathan even put together their dressers.

I bought the kids’ pillows and sheets, and a couple of decorations.

Their bathroom is clean, they all (including Iris and Legend) have new towels, and Ill post pics once I finish putting the bathroom all together.

Nathan is picking up bunk beds tomorrow.

Im currently tracking down Nathan’s diploma.

And this health inspection??? let me tell you- I think all parents sould be held to these standards. Not just foster/adoptive parents. I spent the day cleaning, taking out all the trash, cleaning up the back yard, picking up debris from our wonderful neighbors, going through medications and putting them out of reach, scrubbing toilets, rearranging where I keep cleaning supplies, vacuuming, dusting, and making the house smell good (not required, but might as well!)

To make the week a little more callenging, Nathan’s work van is in the shop, so he has our personal vehicle for work. And he is on call this week. So now, any errands I need to run have to wait until next week.

Maybe thats not too bad of an idea anyway- I NEED A REST!! But how awesome is it that we are getting closer?! Pretty soon, we will have our home study, and then……….then we wait…………

Kid Panel

Last night was our next to last foster parenting class. It was the night that families came to talk about their experiences with fostering and adopting. We even got to talk to and meet a few of the kids.

One girl is now 14, the oldest of 5, adopted with 1 sister (2 other siblings are severely disabled and she used to have to be the only one who took care of them) and doing amazingly well. She is mature beyond her years, very comfortable describing her experiences before and after being adopted, and was just absolutely beautiful! Her sister who was 7 was just the cutest little spitfire! Everyone loved them!

Another sibling group was 2 little girls, 4 and 2 (at the time they were placed to be adopted, they were 2 and 5 months). They had a crazy story because everytime the adoption was almost complete, the maternal grandparents kept trying to take them away (all their petitions were rejected because of a 10 year history of alcohol abuse and domestic violence) and they are now happy and well adjusted. I wish  could have taken pics, because OH MY WORD!!! They were the CUTEST little girls ever! (besides Iris)

Another family told their horror tory and how their child had to be taken from their foster placement, so that wasnt a fun one…

The 4th family was so cute. The parents came in wanting 1 little baby girl. Instead, they got 4 boys, ages 2, 5, 6, and 13. Haha! It just worked! They all kind of fell in love with each other and their transition was smoothe. The husband was so much like Nathan (no filter when talking to people) but we thought he was pretty funny! They were such real, down to earth people whose hearts were really into what they were doing and we loved them.

We kind of learned that no matter what you go into this process hoping to get, you HAVE to beflexible. Sometimes life gives you things you didnt know you wanted or didnt think you could handle but it ends up working out perfectly.

Nathan and I are ALMOST done with the paperwork. I should say *I* am almost done with the paperwork since Im doing it all.

We still have to do our health inspection, home inspection and fire inspection, get Hippie’s rabies shot, and Nathan and I have to get a TB test (I got a letter from the kids’ doctor excusing them, thank God) and then a case worker comes to do a home study! After that, our home will be filled with (I hope) laughter…. and a tantrum or two (or ten…)

Expecting

In one of our foster parenting classes a couple weeks ago, we talked about “expectations” and how we all have an image in our mind of what we THINK fostering will look like. Then we were told it wont look a thing like that when we actually get them!

Nathan and I dont have a perfect picture of what we think it will be like. We have tried to not expect anything but the unexpected and to make sure our attitude is of flexibility, acceptance, and openmindedness. He keeps telling me to make sure I have fun with the kids and to not get stressed out with them. I have to think in my head that even though it kind of is a “job” to care for the new kids, its more of an “opportunity” than anything. And I have to treat it that way.

I have started planning the room. It has to be gender neutral because we arent sure of the sex and ages of the kids. But we have requested elementary aged kids. For a hundred reasons.

The biggest reason is that we arent adopting (yet). So we dont feel the need to have a little baby come in our home and raise him or her for their entire life. We understand that the children who come into our home will live here temporarily- 1 to 2 years. If we have babies, then all we are doing is feeding/changing/burping… that kind of thing. But since the children will most likely be going back to their homes with parents or family, we want to know that their lives will be changed. We want to give them tools that they can use when they go back- ways to cope with their emotions, a sense of belonging in this world even if they feel they dont belong at home, a desire to do something incredible with their lives when no one else is around to instill that in them, a deep undertanding that they are LOVED and VALUED and have more potential than they knew. No one else may ever tell them that.

But we will.

And we will know when they leave us, they will leave with a new level of love for themselves, God and others that they may have never known had they not entered our home.

I expect things to be hard. I expect tears. I expect late nights. I expect to need a lot of support and comfort from Nathan. And I expect that we will love someone elses children like we love our own. And then I expect to be sad when they leve me. But I expect that they will take a different paths in their lives when they do…

Besides that, I am not sure what to expect. I cant help but envisioning a little 4 or 5 year old boy though. An image similar to this keeps popping into my head. If one of our kids happens to be a girl, Ill just add longer hair to this image.

A Loss

For our foster parenting class on Monday, we were each to bring an object that represented a loss. I’ll spare you the details of what an emotional process this was for me, but I finally chose a little cross necklace my mom gave me when she and my dad divorced. To me, it represented a loss of 10+ years, as I didnt see her again until I was an adult; it was also a loss of my childhood, as the rest of it wasnt too great.

In our class, we instructed to place our object in a WalMart bag which was made me really hesitant because it seemed too cheap of a bag to hold such a treasure. Then we were paired up with someone else in the class and told to share our story. One person spoke for 3 minutes, while the other listened.

Only listened.

The listener was not allowed to speak during that 3 minutes.

This was hard for me because I was paired with a man who told his story first and cried to me as he told me his heartbreaking story. And I was not allowed to interject anything, but I had to communicate my empathy through my body language and my facial exppressions… which were filled with tears…

When it was my turn, of course I flubbered my way through it and cried like a little girl. So embarrasing. He, also, could not say a word.

In the end, we were both then allowed to ask questions, express empathy, and talk about our experiences. Then we were to give our partner our object in a WalMart bag, and they were in charge of it for the rest of the night.

Yes, I was insanely nervous…

Some people left their partner’s object at their chairs when they took a restroom break, so our instructor came around and collected the objects that were not being watched over. However, I held on tight to my partner’s and he held tight to mine. Thank goodness.

At the end of the night, we were allowed to return our objects to their owners, (even the ones that had been collected by the instructor) and told this fact: When foster children come to us, everything they value (which may be one small tattered blanket, a shred of a piece of clothing or a broken old toy), and that is ALL THEY HAVE. Their entire world is held in that old WalMart bag, and we are to treasure and value that “junk” as it may seem to us, as if it were our own little treasures from that night. Because each thing they hold onto represents a loss in their life, and that shred of clothing may be the last thing their own mothers gave them the last time they saw them… And we are to listen to them with empathy and understanding in every situation, especially reguarding thier “stuff”. It’s something Ill never forget…