T Minus 5 Days.

I’m sitting in the middle of a room full of boxes. Some empty. Some packed. My art supplies all fit in one crate. My paintings are stacked against a wall. My kids are going through all the toys we found since I’ve been packing. My kitchen counter is covered with vases of flowers and bottles of wine that have been given to me the last few days. And my heart is full.

I expressed a couple weeks ago how depressed I was and how nothing was working to calm my nerves. I was THIS CLOSE to cancelling the whole trip. I actually wrote out how much it would cost and what I could do to get out of it, and just stay here. The pain and the fear were unbearable. Two Fridays ago, I called my friend Jefre, a well-seasoned world traveler, in a fit of panic and hysteria. I cried my way through a conversation, and we decided to have lunch the next day.

I showed up and probably seemed like an eager child waiting for help and instruction. I was desperate. I would have done almost anything to get rid of this feeling that was engulfing me. Jefre, being the deeply intuitive man that he is, talked me through it all. He helped me realize that I had allowed fear to become such a powerful force in me that if I didn’t find a way to manage it, then I would A) cancel this trip and regret it for the rest of my life, B) go on the trip and pine away for home so badly that I would ruin the trip for myself, and C) I wouldn’t fulfill what I originally set out to accomplish. He reminded me that this is what I asked for. I had the ability to cancel the trip and stay home if I chose, but that I had wanted this for many, many years, and that I needed to be true to myself.

I told him that all of my fear-management and depression-management techniques weren’t working anymore.

We explored other options, and by the end of our afternoon, I felt so much better. He helped me release all the bad energy I had accumulated, and I felt grounded again. I went home and packed up 2 rooms. I didn’t cry. I was at peace. I had re-affirmed what I wanted and made the decision (again) to move forward. I think sometimes we have to re-evaluate what we are doing and why and make sure that is the best decision. My problem was that I wasn’t evaluating properly, and I was reacting to fear and negative emotions.

After this day, things began falling into place. I had a friend offer to let me store my things at his house out by a gorgeous river and one of my favorite climbing spots. He said he had an entire upstairs that wasn’t being used, and that when we returned from our trip, we could stay up there until we decided where we wanted to go next. This was a huuuuuuuge relief. Now I felt like I had a place to come home to. I wasn’t displaced. There was room for me when I returned- whenever I decide that will be.

Then another dear friend offered to take care of Hippie (my little dog) until she came to visit in July, and she would bring her with her. Another HUGE relief. Getting Hippie to Cozumel was going to be very difficult and even more expensive because the airline I booked with changed their international pet policies.

The kids’ babysitter offered to come for extended periods of time when I need her.

Several others have already bought tickets to visit.

AND! My friends have blown my mind the last couple of weeks. They have gone out of their way and rearranged schedules to spend time with me. We have all arranged more get togethers in the last 2 weeks than we have in months. They were all there for my farewell party Friday, which was a hilarious evening of stories I can’t share here. For Mother’s Day, two of the guys showed up to the climbing wall with flowers for my friend Carol and I. Then they treated us to lunch. We have gone on extra climbing outings. My kids’ babysitter has been very available to help with anything. I even got to spend an entire day hiking and exploring with a sweet friend last Saturday- my last free Saturday here for the next 6 months. It was particularly important to me to enjoy the beauty of Austin once more with this person, who’s intuition is re-assuring, and his energy is perfect for this kind of activity. It was the perfect last Saturday.

I’m very privileged to have the group of friends that I do. I may have made a way bigger deal out of leaving than I should have- because I got caught up in the emotions of it. But they don’t make me feel bad for it; they are 110% supportive. It’s almost like they knew exactly what I needed, and made sure I had it before I left. My love language is quality time, and they have gone way way over and beyond to show me they love me. I think what I REALLY wanted was to know I was grounded here and that I had roots, that I wasn’t going to leave and have anything to come back to. They have made sure to let me know that I’ll be welcomed back with open arms.

Between packing parties and moving parties, we are all doing this together, and I love them for it.

And now I’m ready. Pushing full-steam ahead. We have a world to explore.

Scattered thoughts

(This is as scattered as my mind. It won’t flow well. Just pretend it’s not that bad.)

I try not to post when I’m going through something rough. I try to only talk about it once I’m through it or I have found a solution because, really, no one wants to read a bunch of whining with no resolution. But frankly, at this point, I don’t give a damn.

Moving out of the country was an AWESOME idea in November. Best idea I ever had. It was time to see what I was made of, and it was time for my “walkabout” as my friend Carol puts it. I felt like I was adhering to rules, living how other people expected me to, and I was miserable. I wanted to be free and explore the world, and I found a way to do it.

I had always wanted to- that hadn’t changed. But I was sick of waiting for someone to do it all with. None of us are promised another day, and none of us are promised a soul mate or a life long partner. I just got sick of waiting for it, so I made plans to do it alone. I felt empowered, strong, independent, untouchable. I didn’t “need” to wait for anyone- I was competent, financially sound, and there was no reason not to go.

 

The move is now 2 weeks away. At this point, I should be packed, excited, and half way out the door.

Instead, I cry. I cry all the time. I wake up crying. I go to sleep crying. I walk through the grocery store and post office crying. I shower crying. I work crying. I probably cry in my sleep. Every time someone asks me when the “big day” is, I cry. When neighbors ask how I am, I cry. Sunday, I curled up on my bathroom floor, and sobbed heavily for a straight hour. My previous methods for calming myself down aren’t working anymore. There is no telling what people thing about me. I don’t care. My friends seem to understand, so they let me cry- what else can they really do? Buy tickets to come see me? Yes. Believe me, I insisted.

It seems that as soon as everything was finalized and paid for, the Universe conspired against me to stop me from going.

Or did it? Maybe it is just giving me more ammunition. I haven’t decided.

Circumstances have sucked. The weirdest things have happened lately- I have had a hard time figuring out when I wake up if something really happened or it was a dream. I have to check my emails, texts, and phone calls to make sense of things. No, I’m not high, Mom.

You know when you are done with a place (or a relationship) and it’s time to move on? You are ready to move on. It may be sad, but it’s just time. I don’t feel that… I thought I would, but this life here is amazing. My relationships here are incredible. I feel like I’m breaking up with someone I’m in love with, and that “someone” is the city of Austin.

My close friends have watched me go from over-the-moon excited to depressed beyond consolation and back in a matter of hours. Even though outside circumstances have been throwing- no, HURLING things at me, my support system is still on the sidelines shouting, encouraging, clapping, pushing, rooting for me. Through all of the pain and tears, they are there. And every once in awhile, I have a nice long chat with someone who finds a way to ease my pain and remind me that this is what I wanted, and I have to follow through and be confident in my decisions; that the biggest accomplishments come from the biggest risks; that there is a lot riding on this trip- there is a purpose to it, and I can’t just give up on it; and that they will be here when I get back.

I met someone recently who moved to New York for 6 months, and when he returned, he said he was welcomed with open arms back into the climbing community, and all of his friends were right here, like he never missed a beat!

Another friend is a world traveler and he comes home every few months to work on getting new visas, then he leaves again. But when he is here, his friends make time with him a priority, and it seems that his relationships are very strong.

Both of these men have been really encouraging, and their stories are re-assuring.

I still can’t help but wonder if relationships I have begun here will still be here. I’m terrified that I’ll be forgotten and there won’t be room for me when I get back. If I stayed here, the relationships would continue to thrive. Hopefully. But there’s no guarantee, is there? Will I be welcomed back when I return? Will I have missed everything? Will people care the same? Will we still go climbing and have pool parties, and go camping? Will I find a good support system wherever I go? Will I really enjoy where I’m going even if I’m alone? Will I be able to accomplish everything I want while I’m away? Is it worth leaving all of this here? Will I feel as pained inside when I’m there as I am here? Will I miss home so much that it will be unbearable?

I don’t know. I was reminded by a friend not long ago that if I knew how something turned out it wouldn’t really be an adventure…

I suppose he is right. Maybe I should channel my fear of the unknown into thrill of an adventure. I should probably work on that.

For now, I have packing to do… and wine to drink.

For the Neighbors

When I took Hippie out for a walk this morning, and I realized this is my last month here, I started thinking about this apartment complex and all the people in it. It’s funny how everyone here goes about their daily lives, and I’m not really involved in any of it. But I know their habits and some of their endearing little quirks. Things about them have made me feel like I’ve been a part of a strange little family, and I hope I never forget them. Just to be sure, here are my favorites.

The older Indian man who never ever says a word. But every time I see him walking in the parking lot, he flashes me the peace sign.

The woman in the building across from me who is always on her balcony laughing. I don’t think she works. I think she is there only to laugh and throw balls with the kids in the complex. She laughs hysterically at everything… and then wheezes and coughs (she’s a heavy smoker).

The maintenance man who sees me taking my garbage out and always takes it from me. He says, “Good morning, Lady” in a thick Spanish accent, bows his head to me, and smiles while he takes my trash to the dumpster.

The little girl around 10 years old who sees Iris on our balcony and yells, “Hi Angel Hair!”

The lady in our building who came to us for help when her husband became violent. She and her 4 kids snuck out one night. The only people I have seen in that apartment since then was the carpet guys and the cleaning crew… I hope she is safe now.

Sheila- she just moved, but she “can’t prosper here!” she always said. Remember her? She’s the one who started calling me “the pretty white girl with the pretty white babies”. Proudly, I have been the only one of those who have come through here. The nickname stuck.

Robert downstairs. He is the size of 3 men. He threw my washing machine up his back and carried it up 3 flights of stairs when I moved in. Once, I thought someone broke into my house, so I made him go inside, and check for me before we went in. He always has something kind to say. And I happily bake him and his wife cookies whenever I can.

Rodney- the crazy guy! Man! I love him! He (as well as a few others) have their names tattooed on their necks, so I never forget who they are. He walks around the complex greeting everyone. He tries to talk like a badass, but he’s just a little sweetheart. He carries a beer with a paper bag around it. One time, he told me I should have never let The Moochers use my Internet. He said, “You bettah’ not be DOIN’ dat, girl. You got KIDS you gotta pertect. God’ll fo’give you fo’ dat… Fo’ givin’ dem you passw’rd. Don’t you be doin’ dat no mo’.” Noted.

Scott and the kids underneath me. When I come home, I suddenly see 2 little heads poking out a window yelling “Hi Autumn!! Can we come give you a hug?!” And if we happen to leave for school at the same time in the mornings, the kids show me their new clothes or new haircut or new whatever. They cram a bunch of information into a few quick seconds to get me all caught up, and then they bound off to school! It’s darling.

Maria in the office- that woman is a saint. She gets yelled at by people and stays calm and kind no matter what. She just got her own office with a door. I say it’s well-deserved.

The magic tree. Most of the time, when I’m ready to get rid of something, I put it downstairs underneath a tree (clothes, toys, etc), and within an hour, people have come and taken it. The only person I ever caught taking anything was a sweet lady one building over. She said her grandbaby needed it. What was her name…. Phyllis! I think. I haven’t seen her since then.

The kids. Always running around, laughing, making toys out of nothing. Dumpster diving. If Legend throws a toy off the balcony, we have all of 30 seconds to rescue it, or a swarm of kids sweep in and take it. I think it’s funny. Iris cries. Legend asks for a new one.

The familiar dogs we see on our walks. Especially little Bailey the Maltese who is terrified of Hippie.

The guy in the white truck who gets home at 4 PM everyday. Then he sits there in his truck for a few minutes, blaring whatever song he is listening to. He won’t get out until the song is over. He’s dedicated like that.

The lady downstairs who rides around on a motorized wheelchair. She is always yelling, so you think she’s mad, but she’s not. She just yells. One time, it was, “HEY!!!!! WHERE DID YOU GET DEM BOOTS?!?!? I SURE DO LIKE DEM!” Oh man, I thought at first she was mad at me, but no, she was smiling. Phew. One time, she caught the building on fire and still doesn’t know how. Yea… that was a fun day…

Her friend, one building over. I always see her on HER motorized wheelchair cruising up to CVS. She carries a little umbrella over her head. I don’t remember seeing her ever smile.

The policemen, ambulances and fire trucks. It must be a running joke that one of them has to be here at all times. because I’m pretty sure one of them always is. In a weird way, it’s made me feel a little safer.

And The Moochers. Yes, I’ll miss having someone beg me for rides and free internet. I’ll miss the grandma and her friends telling me I need to make more babies because I make such pretty ones. I’ll miss seeing them smoke their lives away on their balcony (ok, not really).  They added just enough dysfunction to get some good stories.

I’ve loved living here. I’ve loved that my balcony faces the east so I get to be one of the first people to see a new day coming. I’ve loved the time I’ve gotten to spend with the neighbors, and I’ve been honored to help them when I could- they would do the same for me. I hope they remember me too… and my pretty white babies.

What I do when fear sets in

I made a light-hearted comment on Facebook today about how this whole “Moving to Mexico” thing is starting to get scary now that it’s about 2 months away. Actually, I have been struggling with fear over this for a few weeks. It started right about the time a bunch of things started to go wrong- like my tax return being deposited into a bank account that my ex-husband and I closed TWO YEARS AGO; and my kids being sick; and my car breaking down on the side of the road while I was on my way to my business’ 1 year birthday bash; and my said car costing almost the same amount in maintenance as I was going to sell it for; and a few other things, but you get the point.

My confidence was shaken, and I started to question what I was doing. Can I really handle this by myself? Is this really the best thing? If things are falling apart now while I’m still here, what’s going to happen when I get there? I don’t get scared very often, but this fear sort of crippled my mind for a couple of weeks. I cried a lot, felt like I couldn’t make a good, solid decision about anything, and I called close friends to ask them things like “OHMYGOD, what do I DO for DINNER?!”

Not kidding.

I started thinking about what I was leaving behind. I have created a good support system here, and I won’t have them with me out there. Of course they all say they will come visit, and I know a couple have already bought plane tickets, but I won’t have them within arms reach anymore like I do now. I started thinking about this apartment, how hard it was to get it, how much I have fallen in love with it, how I have poured my soul and my tears into this place, how it has been our safe place, how being here has brought the kids and I peace, and how we have had the time to really establish our relationship with each other and become a strong little family. I feel that leaving our safety net is going to be extra difficult for me because I’m jumping out into a place where there IS NO safety net.

The kids will never know that. Hopefully, as far as they know or will ever know, no matter where we live and no matter what circumstances threaten our stability, they will feel safe and secure. I, on the other hand, feel enough weight and pressure for all of us. I’ll have to ensure that our new home feels just as safe and peaceful as this one, and while it will take some time to adjust, I think the kids will transition much better than I will…

Travelling is another thing that worries me. Since my tax return got lost and re-issued, I lost the hold I had on our flights out of here, so now instead of a direct flight to Cozumel, I paid TWICE the price to fly into Cancun. Then we will have to take the bus to the ferry and the ferry to Cozumel. I did this fairly easily on my own last time (except for the fact that my Spanish is terrible, and I got off the bus at the wrong place), but this time, I will have 2 kids, a dog, and all our stuff. It’s a bit intimidating.

Ok- so since there is no point complaining about something unless I am willing to do something about it, I waited to post this struggle until I had found ways to manage this fear. These are things I do daily because I’m constantly having to keep myself focused.

I meditate. I have been doing this for years, but now I focus on calming down and breathing mostly. I do this especially when I notice myself wringing my hands, feeling shaky, or getting emotional.

Yoga. This is another thing I have done for a long time, but now, I do it more often. I still focus on my breathing, but this loosens me up when I’m tense, and I have been dedicating each session to someone special.

Re-inspiring myself. I will go back and re-read chapters of books, articles, and blogs that inspired me to go in the first place. I look at my Dream Board that I have had behind my door for almost a year. This is where I wrote out what I really really wanted in life, and where the idea for One Billion Fed came from. In fact, the name is still written there in red. I watch the documentaries that inspired me. I look over the One Billion Fed website and notes and remember what my purpose is and why I’m doing all of this.

Pep talks. This is probably a little ridiculous, but it works. I have been talking to myself in the mirror, saying, “This is what you were meant to do. You survived all you did for this purpose. You are strong and capable of handling this. You have a big goal, but no one and no thing is going to talk you out of this or take it away from you. Your kids are excited and happy and you are bringing them from one safe environment to another. You are not alone, even though it feels like it. And also, you are brave, and beautiful, and everyone loves you.”

Tea, baths, and vitamins. If you have studied Ayurveda, you know what your body needs to heal itself and be balanced, and my biggest need is warmth. I take baths as often as I can, sip green tea, take my vitamins, wrap myself in my favorite blanket, and make sure I don’t get cold. It sounds silly unless you have studied it and you understand it, but this really helps me.

Run. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE running! First of all, I don’t sweat. Not only do I hate sweating, my body just won’t do it. It’s like my body hates it more than I do. But I know running is good for me, and it makes me a better climber, so I do it. I turn on some Frank Sinatra or Broadway show tunes and I run until I either want to pass out or throw up, and its usually both simultaneously. This helps because by the time I’m done, I have no energy left to worry about anything!

Other outdoor activities. I have started hiking more, climbing again, and slack lining. Actually, I’ve only slack lined once so far this season, but all of these things help me focus, and right now, I feel what I need most is steady breathing and focus.

Some days are better than others, but I have a very detailed plan, and I know I just have to plow through my fear and stick to the plan. I get distracted, get scared, remember the plan, and get back on track. Tonight- the plan is to drink some wine and relax. That is a plan I can easily stick to.

Sick Daze. I Mean Days.

When kids get sick, as all moms know, everything stops and priorities re-shift. It doesn’t matter what fun or critical plans you had that day (or the following few days), sick babies require 110% attention.

Iris woke up early Saturday morning crying that her stomach hurt, but she didn’t feel nauseous, so I thought she was just being dramatic, or wanted an excuse to climb into bed with me. Just a few hours later, with vomit all over her clothes, blankets, sheets, stuffed animals and pillows, however, I realized she was probably sick.

Legend is old enough to help out a little, and it is nearly impossible to keep the two of them separated, so while I started laundry, I asked him to go check on his sister. I snuck in behind him to find him petting her and saying, “It’s ok Sissy.” I love that. His future wife will really love that. He gave her books, blankets and even his favorite toy, his Leapster, to help make her feel better. Of course, I washed his hands, and tried to keep him occupied while Iris recovered from Vomit #1. Later we were graced with #2 and #3.

By the time dinner time came around, I was on Auto Pilot. I went from preparing juice and vitamins to washing vomit laundry, to drying vomit laundry (which I guess by that point was no longer vomit laundry), disinfecting doorknobs and light switches, making food, loving on Iris, and making sure Legend got enough attention too. I hadn’t gotten to the grocery store either, so our food choices were limited. Somehow, I was out of bread, crackers, soup, and other sick-kid-friendly foods, so I threw all the vegetables we got from the farm this week into a big pot, and voila. Today was a bigger challenge, as the veggies and soup are gone, and all the kids seem to want is bread. There is no bread. Sick little girls don’t seem to understand that although Mommies are full of magical powers, we cannot pull bread out of thin air.

Unless we bake it.

Which I’m not going to.

Nor have I mastered that skill.

So back to last night. I managed to get all the laundry done, the kitchen cleaned, dishes done, and both kids in bed by 7:30. I had energy for little else besides pouring a glass of wine and maybe having a good cry.

Instead of crying this time (which is normally my automatic response to sick days), I drew a nice hot bath, poured in some lavender bath salts, (the friendly, no-face-eating kind) poured a glass of wine, and sat there, giving myself a little pep talk: “I am able. I am strong. I am not ONLY one person. But I am a full, complete person, who is fully-capable of taking care of the kids. I can give them enough love and attention when they are well and when they are sick. I am not worn down or tired or sad. I am blessed with these babies. I am young and full of energy and vitality. And there are no grey hairs or wrinkles on my body. (What. it was MY pep talk!) Breath in…. breathe out… breathe in… breathe out….”

This went on for about 15 minutes. I was just starting to calm down, and feel relaxed when I heard Legend, who remember, was asleep before I got in the bath: “MOOOOOOM! I pooped in my unnerwear!”

Followed by poop laundry…

Today, Iris is sleeping a lot. Legend keeps throwing things AT me, while I try to teach him to throw things WITH me. He also woke up from his nap covered from face to arms in green marker- a scented green marker, though, so he smells nice. And the worst thing that happened today was that I made Hippie’s nail bleed when I trimmed it too short.

While I sit on the porch writing this, Legend is sitting next to me playing Play Do and then sweeping it off the balcony. As frustrating as things can get, I’m blessed with these little rugrats. I’m happy that I get to be the one to take care of them when they are sick or they need me. And I’ll be happy to get them a fresh loaf of bread tomorrow.

What do you REALLY want?

What do you want? If all outside circumstances were perfect. If money were no object. If you had every skill anyone ever needed. If you had a blank slate and you were to fill it, what would it be with?

People have asked me this question over and over. Men I have been in relationships with ask me especially. Usually when I think about dreams I have, it doesn’t quite fit in with what is “normal” and I know that, so a lot of my ideas are dismissed as “wouldn’t it be nice if’s…?”.

Last year, I met and exceeded most of my goals. But I have still felt like something wasn’t right. Something has been missing. I’m not at complete peace with myself. It’s been extremely frustrating because I got just about everything I worked towards- so what is the problem?!

Over the last few weeks, I have asked myself hundreds of times (not exaggerating), “What do I want? Really, really, REALLY?” I seemed to have had a whole list ideas, but no way to pull them all together. I felt conflicted, confused, and unresolved. Lots of decisions seemed to “depend on” something or “maybe if this… then that” scenarios. I’ve spent time researching, and reading more the last few weeks than I probably did all of last year.

Then I went to Cozumel. It was a different world. I had never left the country before, even though I’ve wanted to since I was a kid. My sweet friend Diana watched the kids, and I took a 4 day journey all by myself to this beautiful little island where my friend lives with her husband and 4 kids. I’ll post later about my adventures on a new site (I’ll explain that in a minute) but the important thing was that I had a lot of time to sit, think, meditate, and ask another 50 times or so, “What do I want?”

I didn’t realize it until I got back home that that little trip pointed me straight in the direction I wanted to go.

Saturday night, I was up half the night reading a book. While reading it, it referenced another book that I had heard of before, so I looked on my Amazon.com account to see if I had bookmarked it or added it to my cart. Instead, my iPad would only let me look at my Wishlist, which I didn’t know I had. I clicked on it, and found about 25 books I had saved about world travel, world exploration, vagabonding, world needs, etc., and I started crying. I must have started that list YEARS ago, and all this time, I must have known THAT’S what I really really wanted.

Taking it a step further, I want to travel with purpose. I want to leave an impact each place we visit, and we will stay much longer than most people visit places. This is a HUUUUGE project in the works right now, and I’m ironing out details with a big team of people who are jumping on board to be a part of this. But I can’t tell you what it is or you’ll laugh at me and insist that I be medicated.

What’s interesting is that as soon as I GOT THIS, everything changed. EVERYTHING. Suddenly, doors are opening, issues I had in the past are gone, financial questions are being answered, people are offering time, money, services, and all of the ideas from the last 5+ years I had that were a scrambled mess on notebooks and word documents are all finally coming together. Business ideas are even pulling together, ensuring that we will have more than enough to live on, save, invest into organizations we will work with, and give away.

Doing this has brought up a ton of new questions, and I’m sort of shocked at how fast they are being answered.

How can I live in Cozumel long enough to make a difference in the way I want to? The kids’ dad just came over and signed a form allowing me to take them to Mexico for 6 months. I didn’t know about this form until this week, but apparently, kids cannot enter Mexico with only one parent, unless the other parent approves. He said he trusts me completely, and knows I’ll do what’s best for the kids. I told him my long-term plans, and he was ok with all of it. (Not that I needed his approval in anywhere but Mexico, but I felt it was best to at least tell him.)

What about my work? If I can work from another country for 3 months, I can do it for 6. or 12.

Where will we live for that long?  I just found out, the house I chose to live in for the summer, is available through November- the exact amount of time I want to be there. The house is exactly what I wanted, and free of all the safety hazards I was worried about with many of the other houses there (low balcony rails, pools).

What about kindergarten for Iris? I got a free 2-week trial for a  home school curriculum that I love (Global Student Network, the Global Coursework), and Iris is really enjoying it. But I don’t want her to be alone- I want her to be socialized. There is a private school in Cozumel that she can attend part-time, I can home school, she can join sports or dance or art classes there; there are lots of options. I had her tested, and she has already mastered kindergarten math and phonics, and when I talked to her pre-k teachers about it, they said she is teaching herself, and along with a few other students, already excelling in lessons not even thought for another year. So I’m confident that she will not only be comfortable with a home school curriculum, but she will thrive with it.

…And Legend? The private school has classes for 3 year olds, and he will be 3 in June. There are also lots of activities he can be a part of.

What about our apartment? Technically, our lease is up in August. I gave my apartment notice this week, but they said they can’t put it on the market until I pay the re-letting fee, which is NOT cheap. So I decided to leave the apartment by April 30, so I didn’t have to pay May’s rent here, May’s rent in Cozumel and a re-letting fee all so close together. Then, in a random string of events, I found someone who wants to finish out my lease, saving me from having to pay the re-letting fee. In return, since she is saving me a lot of money, I’m giving her furniture.

What about our stuff? Selling it. Except for stuff that is really special to us. That stuff will be put in a small storage unit.

What about our car? Selling it.

When will we come back? For the holidays.

Then what? Costa Rica.

As for details on my big projects, they will be coming soon, along with new, fabulous websites.

I’m finally at peace. Content. Resolved. And so excited I can barely sleep. I spend my nights reading and planning, and I’m finding ways to pay for our Big Adventure. THAT’S the stuff people should live for.

What do you REALLY want? Spend a little time a day, and consciously thinking about the things that come with “maybe someday…” or “wouldn’t that be nice if…?” we will actually begin to discover what we were meant to do, and passionately fulfilling our purposes makes all the difference.

Moving to Cozumel HOW?!

Since I told everyone in November about my plan to move to Cozumel for the summer, I have gotten SO many emails, FB comments, messages, phone calls and texts full of questions. These are the most common.

How can you afford to leave for 3 months? 

When I started my business, Bodhi Leaf Media, I had these stipulations in mind: What ever business I start needs to allow me plenty of time with my kids, flexible scheduling, the ability to travel, no capital, low maintenance, and unlimited income. This business allows all of those things. I guess this part is pretty personal, but I live on a tight budget, with very little excessive spending. My only bills are rent, cell, electricity, Netflix, (water and Internet are free) car insurance, gas, groceries, and the kids’ school. I have purposely and consciously made it so that I only live off of 50% of my income. I do this by keeping expenses low and by increasing my clientele. Of course, things come up, and I am always glad I have had extra money saved because it always seems that costly expenses come up! I drive an old car (paid for) and it needs maintenance. Kids  need clothes, shoes, etc. One thing that helps is that we are given hand-me-downs, so we don’t spend a lot on those items. (Then of course, we pass them along to others.) Also, a good portion of the money I have saved now is being used for our round trip flights, passports, travel documents, travel bags, etc. Most of this, I wont have to pay for again, so to me, it’s more of an investment. Planning ahead has helped me create a plan for “affording” this trip.

What will you do when you get there?

Next week, I am going on a Trial Trip to Cozumel. I am meeting with several people who own properties down there, so I can get a good feel for where I want to live, where will be the best location for the kids, which area is closest to the farmer’s markets and grocery stores (since we won’t have a car, we will rely on our own feet and bikes!), and which place has the best view of the sunsets. Then I plan on having the time of our lives in May!

How can you take the kids? What will you do with them while you work?

I will have a nanny watch the kids in our home there 3 days a week. I am currently preparing myself for 3 day work weeks for the summer by getting rid of distractions, streamlining my work processes, and delegating to my staff. I’m preparing the kids now by showing them documentaries and books about life there, having lots of talks, and helping them down-size their mound of toys.

Why Cozumel?

I have a friend who lives there with her husband and 4 kids. When she told me she was going last August, I was terribly envious. I spent a couple months asking myself if that was ever something I could possibly do… Then I decided, YES! And have been making plans since. I chose Cozumel because it seemed like a good introduction to world travel. I won’t be completely alone, as my friend is there; Cozumel is touristy and pretty safe for tourists and Americans in general; living by the ocean is a dream; and it’s cheaper to live there than in Austin.

What will you do with your apartment?

My lease will be up, and I will put all of our belongings in storage.

What about your dog?

She is coming too! She has her shots, but I’ve read that getting your dog BACK to the US is harder than getting her out, so I am still trying to figure out what documentation we need to make sure she comes back with us.

How will you continue operating your business?

My business operates online for about 90% of what I do. I meet with my staff and clients via Skype so they can get used to me not being here, and other meetings are done over the phone. For things I cannot do from another country, a dear friend of mine will take care of monthly- like picking up mail and depositing checks. My staff will meet with clients that I cannot be with in person as well. I plan on working from Cozumel on the beach, in my condo, or in a local cafe 3 days a week, and enjoy the other 4 days! All of my clients have been extremely supportive of this.

What will you do when you get back?

The immediate plan will be to find a home near the school Iris gets accepted into (which we will find out in April), continue my business, and work on some pretty exciting projects I have coming up that will generate even more income to fund our adventures.

What if you never want to come back?

Regardless, I must. I have commitments that must be fulfilled for at least a year.  But I may not even like traveling! I may be so glad to be back to a city without sand that I never want to leave again! Doubtful, but I don’t know…

Can I come visit?

ABSOLUTELY! Flying down there is super cheap, and you will have a sweet friend there to provide you with accommodations. Come, slow down, enjoy life, reflect, re-evaluate, re-juvinate.

What about the kids’ dad?

Ah, now this one is the most common. Without getting into the nasty details, he gave up his visitation rights in the divorce. He also has no say in our geographical location. He  only sees the kids once every 2-3 months, so he will hardly know we are gone. However, because he is their “birth father” if you will, I needed his help getting their passports, and he has been very easy to work with. He is supportive of us going, and knows it will be a great experience for the kids.

You are fascinating- can I take you to dinner?

Thank you for the offer, but I’m busy that day.